Take time to cry

I haven't really allowed myself to really let go since Kristen became so sick. I shed tears but force myself to rally. This morning I woke at 6 a.m., got my coffee, and picked up Kristen's laptop. My baby loves quotes. This summer she would save to a file quotes with pictures. I started going through them and sobbed. Her heart was right there on the screen...as told by the quotes. It was like hearing her talk. I had to smile at the totally crude ones that were so Kristen. Raw and uncut. I would cry at the poignant ones. Some showed a glimpse inside her heart where she doesn't let people go. Some were the dreams and desires she longed for. The one currently set as her backdrop says "I want to change the world...I think I can."

God, I want to talk to that girl. I want to hold her and look into her eyes. I want the tubes gone and I want to hear her tell me in a fit, "Do you really want to go there?" I want to fuss at her for driving to fast. I want to tell her how much I love her. How beautiful she is. I want to tease her for being such a drama queen. I just want her whole and well. I want to change places with her.

I pray for a miracle. I pray for God's perfect timing. Almost ever family in the ICU has a loved one with some type of fungal pneumonia. We've spoken a lot to the Higginbothom family. Jimbo has been in and out of the hospital for the past 9 and a half months. He is 46 and has 3 children back home. I think their ages are 19, 17, and 13. Two girls and a boy. We are not unique. Our pain is not unique. Our desires for healing are not unique.

Pray for us. Pray for God's grace and mercy to be with Kristen...and Jimbo. Most of all pray for God to show his power and might in healing. He can whisper arise and it can be. He knows ever cell in my baby girls body. He knit them together long ago. And He claimed her as his. A friend mentioned that Jesus not only bought her salvation on the cross but her healing. Claim the victory of the cross for Kristen. Claim the healing power.

Forgive me my rant. I write my feelings much better than I express them verbally. And as always, they ramble. :)