Numb

We have travelled a million miles since my last post here. Devin and I have been forced to think about things that you should never have to consider with your grown child. We have been forced to absorb the fact that the odds are stacked against us. You hear words like a 30-40% chance of remission...and they call these good odds? You begin to truly think about a living will and power of attorney. Hey, those might be important here. It is all rather disheartening. I find myself feeling a little flat. Maybe numb is the better descriptor. I am in the moment now. If the moment contains laughter it is laughter, if it is tears it is tears. You are forced back to very basic survival mode.

When I woke up this morning I found a song running through my head. The lyrics are a little jumbled but basically my subconscious was singing that God is my strength, my shield, my fortress, deliverer, strong tower, very present help in times of need. (If you recognize this please send me the song name.) I can't say at this moment that I feel overwhelmingly close to God. But it is comforting to know that underneath it all in the inner me, I am still calling upon God. He is with me I'm just too numb to feel.