Wrestling

I'd be lying if I told you I haven't been struggling with God over Kristen's relapse. I have spent most of the last week pouting. Pouting is a good word for it. I was mad because I wasn't getting my way. If I had my way, Kristen would not be sick again. We would not be having a "Groundhog Day" year (movie reference). I've spent the past couple of days reading Job. Reading it and for once getting it a little bit better. The Bible is definitely something you have to continue to read over and over to understand. Understanding comes when you need it most. This morning after dropping Devin at the airport, I basically threw my little fit with God. I cried and raged about how angry this made me and how unfair it is. I knew God was big enough to handle a little ranting on my part. By the time I finished Job this afternoon, I think I finally found some peace. I can be angry about this but I just can't be angry at God.

What has been interesting is how my subconscious self has been trying to work out where I stood with God. I have woken up with either a song in my head or a lingering dream. My dream this morning ended right when I was going to find out the answer I needed. So the Holy Spirit was interceding for me at time when I was stuck. I have no understanding, but my faith is strong. God has been with me through many trials. At the other side I often find that the blessings were greater than the trial. So once again I just put myself in His hands, for strength, for comfort, and for perserverance.